Tuesday, July 26, 2016

#MMBBR #Showcase My Spouse Wants More Sex Than Me: The 2-Minute Solution for a Happier Marriage by Ruxandra LeMay

My Spouse Wants More Sex Than Me: The 2-Minute Solution for a Happier Marriage by [LeMay, Ruxandra]

Is “not enough sex” a daily or weekly argument in your relationship? 
Is sex at the bottom of your to-do list after mopping the floors, laundry, and packing the kids’ lunches? 
Would you rather catch up on your favorite show than have sex? 

Then this book is for you. 
Nowadays, women work more than ever; they juggle a career, a household, kids, bills, pets, their own parents and in-laws. In a relationship, marriage to be precise, sex is on a continuum: from hot and sweaty to non-existent. The author has seen numerous couples in therapy, all struggling to make the transition from “I can’t breathe without you” to “I would rather sleep than have sex.” Although most couples experience these changes, many don’t know how to handle them. Women feel exhausted, guilty, and wondering whether they need medication to feel some sort of sexual desire again. Men feel unloved, misunderstood, and highly frustrated. Nobody wins. And sometimes, the table turns and the man has a lower sex drive. 
This unique book offers a practical solution that is a great compromise for both genders. It’s fast and easy to implement and maintain. It’s the real deal. The goals are realistic, easily attained, and make an actual difference in the relationship. 
Dr. LeMay also talks about the fact that the female and male sex drives are different but there is no reason to apologize for such a difference. There is nothing wrong with women that have a low sex drive and not all men are addicted just because they like sex. 
This book offers a compilation of tips and ideas to increase assertiveness and honesty during sex. Finally, the author introduces 10 insights into what affects female sex drive such as husband’s participation in household chores, his effort in looking good for his spouse, and his willingness to accommodate his wife’s sexual needs. 

Ruxandra LeMay

Dr. Ruxandra LeMay is a psychologist that specializes in couples' therapy, addiction, and mood disorders. She is passionate about women's mental health issues, parenting, and how to manage healthy interpersonal relationships. At the heart of her couples' therapy is a strong belief in partnership, compromise, and accommodating each other's needs. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage; all couples have areas to work on.
Her writing style is very similar to her therapeutic style: direct, down-to-earth, and practical. Humor is very important to her and comes out in therapy as well as her in her book.
She has been married for more than ten years and is the mother of three amazing boys.

Q. What inspires your writing?

A. I don’t really consider myself a writer. I am psychologist that wrote a self-help book, hoping to help as many as possible.  One of my interests is couple’s therapy. I have seen couples at every stage of their relationship, from newlyweds to the divorce court. During my practice with couples, I noticed some patterns, researched these patterns, and developed some interventions to help along the way. But, unfortunately, I also noticed that most couples and families don’t go to therapy until it’s too late. So, I wanted to capture them before that happens.  
I also know from reading these books myself that the majority of the marriage resources out there are cumbersome, not always practical or easy to implement, or targeting one gender over the other. That’s not good enough for couples’ therapy. Couples’ therapy is one of the most difficult to do well because you have to capture both partners’ attention and then, almost dance with both of them, back and forth until they are able to make sustainable changes.
Q. How did you decide on the topic?
Sex is an important issue for a couple; actually, it’s the main difference between intimate relationships and friendships. It’s the reason for a lot of silent frustrations in a relationship and the one topic that people don’t like talking about, not even in therapy. They dance around it, don’t address it, and it’s always there in the background. It’s a very complex issue and the book doesn’t address everything, but it starts the conversation.
Q. How would you describe your book?
My book is short, easy to read by both partners, and it has behavioral interventions-ideas to change the behavior first, which in turn may change the thoughts and feelings. The 2-minute solution is about accepting each other’s differences in terms of sexual desire without being offended, shaming each other, without the long nagging arguments about what is happening in the relationship. It’s about compromise and accommodating each other’s needs when one wants sex and the other one doesn’t. And, yes, it can be done in 2 minutes!
It’s about a shift on how we look at sex and intimacy, especially in a marriage. It changes the idea that good sex has to include 30 minute of foreplay, 30 minute of intercourse, and 30 minute of cuddling. Most married couples with kids don’t have the time or desire for that. Conversely, not having any sex at all (or just once per month) is not an answer either. My method is a bridge between the two options, but it’s based on research and it has a lot of common sense. I can tell you that most people can relate to what I describe in this book.
Q.  What inspired your book cover(s)? 

A. I wanted to capture the spirit of the book, about a couple who is tired, overwhelmed with day-to-day chores and parenting and doesn’t have time for one another.
Q.  Tell me something funny that happened while on a book tour or while promoting your book.

A. Well, of course, there are lots of jokes around the 2-minute sex phrase and my answer is always “don’t knock it till you try it.”

Q.  Anything you want to say to followers of this blog or those that are just stopping by?

A.  Thank you for taking the time to read about a non-fiction book; it’s not as creative or artistic as your followers are used to, but I believe that anyone that has been married or in a long term relationship can relate to something in this book. It’s not going to fix anyone’s marriage, but it’s a great tool to have in your box when you are going through a rough patch, and trust me all relationships do.

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